Mr. Nice Guy

iluv767@hotmail.com — Thu, 18 Oct 2001 01:50:18 GMT

I think that title will be with me until the day that I die. Everyone thinks of David as the nice person, who you can copy his work becuase you didnt do it,or when you need a ride home David is there. I feel as if I give so much to people, and try to be a good person, but in-return, I get nothing. I dont ask for much; all I want is to be included. The term best-friend is almost non-existant because a best-friend is someone who you hang out with all of the time; the two people are not seperatable. I wish that I could have that life back...but no. The closet that I am getting right now is Kai and Hass, two of my avaition friends.

So, what I was saying is that it feels as if I give so much to people, but for nothing in return. When something bad happens to me, I dont raise my voice. Almost everyone has never seen me raise my voice, or even be the slightest bit pissed. Deep down inside, I am a depressed, and an angry person. I have not resorted to drugs and alcohol yet, and I have no plans on it. I've seen people crumble under a lot less stressfull situations. Part of my depression goes back to my childhood, and my mother. Dont get me wrong, I love her a lot, it just can be hard to grow up in a family when someone is disabled.

It seems as if people make fun of me for being who I am. I am not the most masculine person in the world. I do not play football. It seems that since I dont fit in with societies mold of straight guys, that people start calling me gay. They do not listen when I say that I am not. I brush it off on the surface, but deep down inside, it really does hurt. But then again, since I am Mr. Nice Guy, I wont get mad at M,D,R,I, A,J, JM, D, C, G, and S. I did get mad at JM becuase of it, but that is over and done with. We've hugged and made up. For a time, with people harrasing me about this, I started to belive it. It wasnt until I saw my shrink that I have gotten over this parinoia. It feels great, but that teasing still goes on in the backround.

People say that I cant keep a secret if my life depends on it. That is not the case. Why do people have so much shit going on their life? They always talk to me about it, and I do my best to understand, and be there for them. It seems as if I am the one person that everyone can talk to. Maybe I should go into being a phyciatrist (however you spell it)? But the thing is that since the issue with JM, I've gotten this wrap that I am not trust worthy. That hurts. But, then again, I dont show my emotion.